I have such a sad ache today at my life. My dad suffered so very much when he saw me in pain in toronto and etc. My disease has ruined my life with my dad for so long: all he did ever was cry for me.

And drive 7 hours to come and see me in toronto.

How could I have ever doubted his devotion to his children? I was too egocentrical and sick to see him clearly in his depth of love and ache (though I saw the ache and ache to this day myself, in sympathy with his sadness). I have not been a source of ease and happiness for anyone: always a painful sad burden everyone cried for at some point. To this day i bother now people because of the invention of email. Total ADHD with emails.

Impulsive to the max.

Though I had high dreams of being heroic and helping others all my life (certainly as a child and today too), I am simply a sad burden. I have helped very little people. I can think of one. And I became so wild in emails that she stopped corresponding. Story of my life since 2006.