Too bloody hard to sustain in my current body.

Now I am all pudgy and soft and full of booze and pot and cigarettes and delicious love and relative sanity and functionality. It is way way better to be honest AFTER you have lost completely your mind to visions on and off for up to 4 years in BC.

I was extremely catatonic during those on and off years. It would come and go. that is how I maintained transe. Yes, I did piss myself once while in transe. It was worth it.