Maybe God made me loopy enough to confuse everyone and lie as to what to expect and the 15th is awful?

I really really doubt God is cunniving.

All along, since thinking I was a rebirth of the 15th, since 2019 or 2020, I was told in my consciousness, silentely (I never hear voices, thank God), that I had been and was deep down, fucking vain. My worst fault of my reign as the 15th.

The following shit self esteem of mine all along my life until now reinforced in my mind the belief that i had been venerated in my past life and it had gotten to my head at the time.

I have said outloud to myself that the visions in this life were BY FAR, better and clearer than in my previous life.

It is truly amazing if reincarnations truly exist like I tend to believe along with millions of others.

Truth is I am not a buddha currentley and it shall take aeons to become one.

If I die like I think with a bang and never from suicide, they will make of me a buddha like they made of many ordinary saints throughout history. I assure you the monks walking for peace are closer to buddahood than me, many of them anyway for sure. I am too angry in this life at samsara, selfishness i see and injustices.

It is slowly changing this anger into some deep love and compassion for the sinners , or those I perceived to be sinners. I much easier put myself in their shoes now and really try to understand where they are coming from.