The queen of the house, his wife, will confess what she did to me, everything, in a loose moment of intoxication and laugh about it. I really dont mind anymore: this woman is totally nuts and was never ever treated as such. you cannot escape treatment. But my poor dad, also intoxicated, will rewrite his will and totally force her to sell the house if he dies.

Thus, no wealthy hospice nor staying in nice house.

Ouch. She was the most hateful mom since sinead o'connor's mother. Very very jealous like rarely seen of holiness. It was a truth of real childhood martyrdom with this woman.And no one ever knew about it. Except her and I. And a few friends.

Yawk, I feel so gross suddenly and no doubt made to eat poo or covered in it for her fun at 1.

Turly, people, understand: the woman was bipolar to the max and quite quite stupid of the mind.

Never treated except as a queen by dad and sister. I raged much to God about her all my childhood. Until he told me how she would end: crazy as a loon, hallucinating ghosts , alone in violence and starvation. I am at peace. om shanti om. It sucks some people really make a mess of their lives. I hope none of you has fucked up with your holy people in your life especially children under your care, like my mother with I. This is kamma and she is far from liberation. I will always inspire her after this lifetime with her I sure hope. But from very very far. This is why I was crazy with despair simply all my youth. i was not schizo, i had one episode breif of psychosis where my thoughts were not that wise and the thoughts were superficial and ghostly. i was 21. never again have I lived that. The rest was trauma upon trauma and looking for the right meds for heavy fucking childhood and adulthood traumas: fluancol. So simply, my previous lifetime I must have had MUCH MUCH peace of mind and this was refused to me for the longest time as anouk lavigne though I had pure brilliance mind in the chaos of hell with mother.

I was in such disarray that i was kept totally hidden from the mainstream except for videos of assaults of me that may have made everyone laugh who was very dumb. ayway, was it real those videos or not? I was NOT at peace until my 30s or 40s. Though not real peace in my 30s, but much much self confidence by then, as is usual for me. And that is a sign you begin to find God for real. With self confidece, you can leave everything behind and offer you life to God like when I stopped my meds. Despite the later common police brutality and hospital heardcore torture fo my twat, God really never let me down after i showed Him my faith in His Godly wisdom for me and became without meds in 2005. Everything went nuts and poor for a good 3 years or 4 years after that. but self confidence grew, and grew, and grew. I Had been allowed to feel God all the time by then, even in torture. So yes, my life: not that great for peace of mind. But free to rage rage rage.

*****IMPORTANT NOTE TO EVERYONE WITH SUSPECTED TRAUMAS AS BABY****

POT WILL MAKE YOU HAVE TERRIBLE FLAHSBACKS OF ALL YOUR BABY TRAUMAS. SOMETIMES MIXED UP AND CONFUSED, BUT THE DESPAIR AT THE TIME WILL BE MADE REAL AGAIN WHEN YOU SMOKE. THIS MAY DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH ANGER AND SADNESS.DEAL WITH IT BY WRITING FICTION, POETRY AND BLOGS. THERE ARE ZERO GOOD SHRINKS IN ALL OF BRITISH COLUMBIA FOR THERAPY OF ANY DEPTH FOR ME. THEY ALL SUCK.