Yes, to this day, there is a great crying sadness in my heart: my babyhood was too tough ad I never got over it.

But I had asked, stupidely, for a life of leisure, as lazy and samsaric as it gets.

So I had to be broken pretty bad to be allowed so much free time only for about 35 years..

and to get my life of ONLY leisure and healing.

So anyway, you have been warned everyone who wants to be reborn lazy....

I still ask for leisurely lives...and non public.

I am wild and dont like society most of the time...

unless I meet people easy to love.

Oh how broken I still feel in my depth: something that will ONLY disappear in my spider life.

This feeling may also simply keep me very very young, like I had genuinely asked to God previously as a hot ancient old man.

* In this Lilou life, especially after seeing the indian monk in the walk for peace behind the leader, I have TOTALLY begged God to make me that endurant to poverty one day. To not care ever for decades where you sleep without being crazy should be quite a wonderful state of mind. As I am now, still broken to this day and so immature as a very young mana of Lilou, I could never have lived his current life. I need a super tough life somewhere to be reborn ever that endurant to poverty ad being blissful anyway. In all genuine honesty, i am pretty sure that to become as endurant as the second in the line of monks, the indian barefeet poor dure, would require MANY lifetimes for me. His endurance is remarkable as is his health and serenity.