I never did anything to hurt him in 30 years.

I came back forever to him , I had made up my mind, in 2009, after  14 years on and off and long distance and living too together and traveling.

I decided to personally never hold him accountable anymore to what he did to me: he went totally mad in 2015-2016.

Life is like that and marriage is always rough for mental health very often for the two people. because it is intense and close.

And most of us are a bit mad.