It may have been PTSD but I had a lot of fun I thought being hateful and thinking I was so clever. So even if I was sick, I feel totally responsible for my madness in hatred. because it was fun for me to be allowing myself to be so out of control enraged in my words. I would have been appalled if anyone did that to me whom I loved. It would have caused me much grief. I cant imagine what my parents went through with my emails. It must have broken their hearts in ten thousand pieces. I can understand why my mother hesitated before saying I sould visit when I offered. I may not remember what I have told them, but it was harsh to the max. And often plain mad.