I really dont feel like going out of the house with him. He treats me poorly in public and in social cisrcumstances usually. Very tiring.

i have been talking about death since 2016.

This is when I became aware of it mostly in a wise and personal way.

About my own mortality.

It truly would make sense to me to die on hubby of a heart attack because he is about to hit me and I am scared...ha! This was my latest fantasy about how I will die. He becomes so livid with rage for no reason, he can be dangerous.

So far so good, most of the time.