I finally slept last night but woke up at 2H30am after having gone to bed at 3pm. totally upside down and it has not happened for at least one or two years.

The sleep was aweful and I slept alone: both dogs where upstairs.

I kept dreaming while waking up thinking robert redford was very boring. I have no idea why.

I always liked robert redford: he ismothers hollywood favourite.

Today i had two epiphany. The most remarkable one was to, for the first real deep time in almost 30 years, think i was nothing different than everyone in my family in terms of virtues. It occured to me that to each their own virtues, simply. I debated whether i had simply been a snob all my life with them, due to their small ambitions of virtues. But truly today, for a sustained good 30 minutes twice, I contemplated deeply this truth: we are no more or less virtuous than one another.What a terrible thing to have ever debated about on my own about everyone in my family after i was a hobbo.

UPDATE

No one shouldcompare everyone's virtues, certainly not within the same family especially where everyone is said andhas shown they love each other good enough by now.

What we can talk about though is that everyone of us, humans, suffer and most of us have all known terrible sufferings.

THAT is why we connect on a selfless and devotional level of universal love to humanity. I had a falsh of very clearly seeing how related to my own humanity the sufferings of diverse unlucky souls online whose stories I was seeing and photos, were. we all suffer and the thing is, we all suffer miserably and terrifyingly many times in eternity if not in every lifetime.

I felt great empathy and slefless compassion where I identifies with this man suffering I was learning about. From what I had read, and his photo, he had had not much luck ever in his lifetime on the street and before. he had been picked up by a homeless housing service but truly, his life sounded horrifying up to then and still darn poor now.

Poverty is one tough horrible thing but disease, ill health and violence from authorities is also very very horrible. And it can often come with poverty.